the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
