Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
