im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
