I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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