She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he was CRYING into my vagina
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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