Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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