Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
