my room smells like sperm. sweet.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize