Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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