Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
