i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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