you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
