I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
zippers are such a cool invention
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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