U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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