I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
