Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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