Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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