I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
