do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
