You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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