If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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