fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
