This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
