You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
