I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
