wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
