Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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