I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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