so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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