Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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