Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
