Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
