kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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