my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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