How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
