Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
