Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
