we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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