Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
