we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
