oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just forgot I was standing up.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
