i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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