i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
