I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
