ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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