and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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