And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
