You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
