i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize