there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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