Christians are straight up FREAKS
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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