Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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