every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
