my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize