He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
