I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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