somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
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