I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
