Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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