I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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