we should wear snuggies to the strip club
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Drake has all the answers
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
