you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
