I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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