yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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