I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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