I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
