i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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