Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
