so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
