omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
