Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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