I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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