My sheets look like a crime scene.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
